Reggie Benangin had always been this way. He couldn’t do anything right. The following is true - Though not even Polish, he couldn’t screw in a light bulb. When growing up in Westfield, New Jersey, his father knew never to ask Reggie to cut the grass. Every time Reggie came within a few feet of the gas lawn mower it would start to sputter and would soon stall.
Frustration was hard to hide on Mr. Benangin’s face when he would try to teach his only son how to use the elementary items of a tool box. Reggie couldn’t drive a nail without hitting his thumb.
When Mr. Benangin absently minded decided to show Reggie how to use his new Jig Saw, he thought better. Reggie’s father dismissed the idea immediately.
Reggie had a problem with vending machines. He would always have to push a button twice to get any response from various machines. His coins would get stuck or the candy bar he wanted would just dangle and not drop into the exit slot. The soda machine would dispense warm soda, as if to mock him.
The ultimate indignity: a heartless machine would take his money and give nothing in return. He’d be the only kid NOT to get a surprise in his Crackerjack box.
Typewriter keys stuck and didn’t always work. When closing his pants zipper, it would invariably catch the tip of his swensenbender, a painful reminder of what his circumcision might have been, though he lacked any memory of the event.
Reggie always got locked in public bathroom stalls. Locks and keys were always a major problem for him. Combination locks never would cooperate. And house keys? - Forget about it!
Bottom Line: Reggie knew machines and other inanimate objects did not like him. But he struggled to live his life in spite of a world conspiracy of machines and objects, both simple and complex, and their total averse toward him.
Reggie moved to New York City when he was 18 and took some menial job. The objects he worked amongst taunted him as well. Of course, the cities numerous automatic doors failed to open for him. Somehow he always got stuck in revolving doors. They all were telling him to go home - He was not welcome in The Big Apple. But Reggie continued in the course of his life even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success in dealing with the universe around him.
***
To keep himself occupied, Reggie decide to take an adult education course. He took a class advertised in local throw away newspaper: Issues in Contemporary Paranormal Psychology. It was taught by an adjunct professor named Morris Mandangolsky AKA The Magnificent Morris.
Morris’ claim to fame was his ability to mentally bend spoons, make old broken clocks work again as well as other forms of paranormal psychological feats. He was able to teach at this august Adult Education Institution because he allegedly held a Master’s Degree from some obscure University in Australia. It also helped that his sister Agnes was the Academic Dean of the quirky Adult Education program known as The Learning Annex.
Agnes got him the part time gig.
Reggie explained his situation to the Professor. Morris paused, and told Reggie he would get back to him after doing some research.
***
At the beginning of the meeting of the next class, Morris asked Reggie to join him after class at the twenty four hour diner located on West 23rd Street and Second Avenue. He said he had news about Reggie’s “condition”.
“Condition?” Reggie was a bit worried.
When Reggie entered the diner Morris was starting to devour his Hot Open Roast Beef Sandwich. It was smothered in brown gravy, as were his tomato stewed string beans and mashed potatoes. He sipped on a large Coke and motioned (fork in hand) directing Reggie to sit opposite him in the booth.
The booth sat facing a large window on the Second Avenue side. Reggie noticed the blur of yellow taxis racing down Second Avenue in the rain. He was thinking one might hit another and both vehicles would jump the curb and plow into him.
He decided to give the Professor his undivided attention, forsaking his taxi watching.
“I’ve done some extensive research. I’ve consumed tons of reading material and consulted with my many contacts in the Paranormal world. My diagnosis of your condition is this:”
Morris takes a sip of his Coke - Then he belches.
“My boy, you are one the thousands of individuals that has the unfortunate fate of being born out of sync with the universe. The universe is a time continuum. Everything that happens is joined in time and space. We all travel in a fluid state. All of that cosmic fluid includes the objects created by man and nature alike. You - my boy - YOU - had been introduced into this universe at a infinitesimal - yet even more unmeasurable than that- amount of time. That time was either before or after your alleged proper introduction on the fluid time continuum. I should say, if I were a mathematician: N to the Nth degree.”
“You don’t belong in the space you occupy as the universal fluid flows. You are out of sync.
Morris then looks away as in deep thought. He returns and continues:
“Like the proverbial guy with a fist full of hundred dollar bills who can’t receive sexual favors in a house of ill repute, filled with the snakiest of female semen conduits."
“Really?” Reggie said with a look of amazement. “Semen conduits?”
“Female Prostitutes.” Morris said in-between sips of his Coke as they sat in silence for about five seconds.
“Or - You’re just a klutz.” Morris stated as he started on the rest of his string beans. The gravy was still finding its way on to his already stained shirt.
That was 1995. Reggie was 20 years old.
***
This is 2032: Reggie is 57 years old.
Reggie still lives in his rent stabilized apartment on the Lower East Side of New York. Times has changed, but Reggie still holds on to the old ways as best he can. His war with machines and objects continued.
All the items Reggie had to replace in his apartment were of shit quality and were made in China. Even when he bought a few things made in America (of higher quality,) they still give Reggie a hard time. All his things were also becoming smarter.
Reggie always knew that the Toaster, microwave and other appliances made in China were conspiring against him. He believed they thought he was xenophobic so they decided in unison to be even more dysfunctional than most appliances were to him.
When he replaced items by employing the manufactures warranty, the newer items gladly added to Reggie’s misery. After all, they all spoke Chinese. Except for that mini portable dishwasher that was manufactured in South Korea. But it soon joined the Asian Conspiracy program against Reggie. They believed it was their part in a Chain Immigration policy to bring more of their counterparts to the USA.
Reggie knew he had had enough when he discovered the blender was having an affair with the microwave. Their copulative act began to blow out the fuse in his building’s early twentieth century electrical system.
This occurred when the appliances achieved mutual simultaneous organismic electronic satisfaction. Both began ‘smoking” directly after their electronic sexual encounter. The microwave couldn’t reach full power for at least a half hour. The Blender’s whirl was much slower as well.
The problem was, in Reggie’s apparent - real or imagined - conflict with his appliances - It was now becoming a reality. Artificial Intelligence had made those items even more “aware” of their existence than they ever were. Their self-awareness geometrically increased to a capacity for introspection and heightened their ability to adapt to more of a sense of individualism than in the past. Each appliance became a more separate entity from the environment and other appliances. Hence - the sex between the microwave and blender. And even more destructive was when the blender caught the microwave cheating with the juicer.
***
The outside world itself was getting worse every day. The totally able AI Androids or AIDOR-ABLES did not like Reggie. Though he tried to avoid them, as their number grew, they became unavoidable. The AIDOR-ABLES reacted to him with the symptoms human would suffer to pollen during a bad allergy season.
He now had a problem everywhere he went.
Though the circumstances were totally different, Reggie believed he was becoming something like the character Michael Smith of the 1961 novel: Stranger in a Strange Land. He believed he no longer knew the world as it existed when he was born and growing up. The pace of change had accelerated and was now noticeable.
***
Now accepted by the masses, the Deep State openly runs the government and by extension, everyday life of the United States. They co-opted democratic power as the elite class of humans that populate America. They are programming the AIDOR-ABLES to meet their needs.
The Deep State human elites are using the same bots on the internet along with traditional outlets like MSNBC, CNN, The New York Times, and even FOX NEWS (which had be secretly neutralized - but still perceived as somewhat Conservative.) All joined to condition the mundanes (left over humans or non-elites) to accept the fallacy that AIDOR-ABLES are the salvation of the human race.
Their Deep State stealth tactics are working toward a unconscious conditioning the “mundanes” to passively accept the inevitable - mundane extinction. Just as the elites were importing cheap labor to undercut wages in the United States in the later half of the twentieth century - Now they are manufacturing AIDOR-ABLES to the same end. But they are now going to first eliminate all wages along with the mundanes with a formal assurance promise income guarantee. Another seminal idea form the start of the 21st century.
The early turn of the century scam used by the elites to make Caucasians believe that White Guilt or Supremacy is real will be used to condition all mundane humans. The mundane humans will begin to accept their doom out of mundane human guilt or a new version of the old White Supremacy con: Mundane Human Supremacy. The elites will rule a world with fewer humans while controlling all the AIDOR-ABLES.
The seeds of this plan were sowed in the early part of the century. The Environmentalists started the zeitgeist with the attitude that humans were the problem. The environment is at risk because of human existence.
***
Reggie was bored with things in the ever changing atmosphere of his life. He actually decided to defy the new order and read a book. Yes, one of the real books that had not been confiscated after the great book buy back period for mundanes in 2025. That order was issued to the AIDOR-ABLES from the elites. Reggie stumbled upon this real book in a rundown public bathroom and debated wether or not to turn it in to the authorities.
Information, ideas and images were now carefully controlled by the intolerant elites to mold the minds of the mundanes. The paper based written word was now the only way for mundanes to communicate ideas in an undetected way.
All ebooks and e communications as well were deemed dangerous. The electronic counterpart of paper back books considered unacceptable were deleted from every pixel of the internet.
This found book was an old, worn copy. It was dated from 2001, an Amazon self published novel in paperback: “The New Salvation Army.”
It was a tale of revolution in the mid twenty-first century of humans against robots. The Artificial Intelligence robots had taken over the world. They were doing this on their own and there were no nefarious elite humans behind the plot. That’s where the similarities to the real situation facing the mundanes and the end of their existence.
The book Reggie found was intentionally left in the public restroom. It was to be secretly picked up by another mundane belonging to an illegal underground network of information sharing. Reggie realized that the stall of this bathroom was the new equivalent of a mundane public library circulating subversive ideas and this book belonged to that library.
In actuality, there were hundreds of these undetected libraries.
Reggie did not turn the book into the authorities. He devoured the book and returned it to the restroom after he finished reading the novel. He visited the restroom infrequently to see if other books were available. They were.
It was a circuitous and dangerous form of communication. Consequences for participation were harsh and ruthlessly enforced.
Reggie knew this. He considered himself, for the first time in his life, a patriot and warrior. He needed to connect with others like him.
***
Then it happened. During one of his visits he met Beverley. Beverley was an age appropriate mundane. Somehow, they both knew they were patrons of the library. She always seemed to be there when Reggie showed up. The two acknowledged each other and started to converse. A relationship was developing.
***
The AIDOR-ABLEs manufactured within the last two years are indistinguishable from humans. One could distinguish them from humans by the jobs the AIDOR-ABLEs now performed.
Five years ago it started. Most underemployed mundanes whose jobs were taken over by AIDOR-ABLEs now received a living wage from the government. But not only were blue collar jobs taken over by the AIDOR-ABLEs, white collar jobs soon followed.
As time went on, more and more mundane people would be joining their ranks. This was part of the plan by the elites to make mundanes dependable before their eventual extinction and total replacement by the AIDOR-ABLEs.
Reggie and Beverley were both recipients of the living wage when they met at the library. As with most new couples, each told the other the story of their lives.
Beverley was a singer and dancer who came to New York seeking to be a Broadway entertainer. But since the AIDOR-ABLEs were pitch perfect and flawless dancers, her talents were expendable.
Reggie told her his story. He was especially candid about his interactions with all machines. He also let her know of his effect on AIDOR-ABLEs and how they can sometimes cease to function because they are allergic to him.
That night Reggie took Beverley out to dinner. He specifically engaged the AIDOR-ABLE waiter with Reggie’s self developed and enhanced projection of his humanity. The waiter started to smoke and became unable to perform his duties. They were kicked out of the restaurant.
“So you see, I can make them sneeze and make their eyes water, but when I put my mind to it, I can make them cease to function.” Reggie laughed.
Beverley took this all in stride. She mentioned that there were others like Reggie who possessed the same abilities to disrupt AIDOR-ABLEs. She confided that AIDOR-ABLEs only had a slight adverse reaction to her, and only during the months of May and June. It seems they were two of a kind.
She asked if Reggie was ready to become a warrior in the war to save mundane humanity. She explained the insidious methods of the Deep State. Reggie had never given any of it serious thought until recently.
Though Reggie wanted to impress this woman, he was really not a hero. “I have think about it, Beverley, one has to be careful in this world you know.”
Beverley showed no emotion and kissed Reggie on the cheek. “I understand.”
Reggie, trying to walk it back a bit said, “I mean - I just met you - I don’t want to loose you by doing something stupid and going underground!”
Beverley smiled and said: “Yes, Reggie, I understand.”
***
Six months have passed and the couple are now an item. Then the news broke. It seems the elites now mandated that all mundanes wear an electronic device of a bright yellow “M” on a black background. It was reminiscent of the Star of David Jews were forced to wear during the mid twentieth century reign of Adolf Hitler.
Reggie gave the news to Beverley. He wanted to join The Resistance she had eluded to when they first met. Apparently, Beverley had never mentioned the subject of the underground after that first night.
The underground had now put out the word that there were thousands of mundanes like Reggie who could bring down the elites and their AIDOR-ABLEs. They would take out as many AIDOR-ABLEs as they could. Recruitment was coordinated through the secret mundane libraries.
***
Reggie joined and was taken in. He quickly rose up the ranks and was soon in charge of all mundanes in Manhattan below 59th Street. As a last resort he trained to be a mundane kamikaze He wanted to make Beverley proud.
The night before the daybreak attack on all the New York City AIDOR-ABLEs controlling the media, the financial center of New York and other vial AIDOR-ABLEs sectors had finally arrived. Beverley made Reggie his favorite special dinner. A hot open roast beef sandwich with mashed potatoes and string beans covered in gravy.
Beverley begged for Reggie to takeover along in the morning. He decided to do so, thinking it was going to be so easy to disrupt the AIDOR-ABLEs. After all, they were one thousand “Klutzes” strong. He envisioned his Beverley by his side.
Beverley initiated their sexual encounter that evening. Of course Reggie couldn’t resist. When they had sex, they made sure to unplug all the appliances in the apartment, just in case. Even though their bedroom was free of anything mechanical or electronic, except the old mattress on the floor.
During their pillow talk, Beverley asked about the logistics of the attack. She never did so Reggie, still in the glow of the fantastic sex they always had - He told her everything. He realized he had violated his own number one rule. But he also knew he was the only one who knew all the plans. Especially the tactical jumping off coordination points and times. The attack was only one hour away.
What he didn’t know is that Beverley was actually an AIDOR-ABLE. The elites had perfected a computerized DNA patch for all AIDOR-ABLEs. She was one of the few that were inoculated. The flaw was the immunization only lasted six to nine months. So this was the elites plan:
They wanted to have all mundanes like Reggie to expose themselves at the same time to hasten their elimination. They knew that the mundanes had to Marshall all their power and attack at one time. It was only logical.
The elites knew of the New York cell. They knew that other cells existed and realized they would join in when news of the New York cell hit the internet (which the elites would allow.). This “hacking” of the internet would be orchestrated by AIDOR-ABLEs posing as mundanes.
Beverley’s inside information and timing was flawless, after all she was an AIDOR-ABLE.
Beverley was always transmitting all the information she had to the Manhattan Elite Anti-Mundane Task Force Command Center. They were waiting for this one piece of information for a long time.
Some of the other mundanes associated with Reggie were also unknowingly involved with female AIDOR-ABLEs. But none of those mundanes knew as much as Reggie knew.
***
All AIDOR-ABLEs were inoculated via the internet.
The Mundane “disturbance” led by the ungrateful Klutz Contingent was quickly put to rest. Fake News took over again and distorted the facts to fit their narrative.
Those leftover mundanes who shared Reggie’s physical intolerance for AIDOR-ABLEs were driven even further underground.
Reggie thought he died a hero in the eyes of the love of his life.
Ignorance is bliss: He thought she was quite adorable.
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