Lilyan had heard people say that memories fade with time.
She wished that were true.
Some memories never faded. They waited quietly beneath the surface, returning when she least expected them.
The first memory she could never escape happened when she was seven years old.
She was spending the night at Nana’s house. She slept in what everyone called Uncle Joe’s old room. It was just another night, and she went to bed wearing her pajamas and underwear, believing she was safe.
Sometime during the night, Lilyan woke up.
Her father was leaning over the foot of her bed.
The moment he realized she was awake, he quickly pulled up her underwear. She had gone to sleep wearing them, so she knew he was the one who had pulled them down.
She was only seven years old.
She didn’t have the words to explain what had happened. She only knew that something didn’t feel right. She lay awake in silence, staring into the darkness, trying to understand why she suddenly felt so afraid.
That memory stayed with her.
After that night, Lilyan slept in Uncle Joe’s room many more times.
Although nothing like that happened again in that room, it never felt the same.
Night after night, she woke from frightening dreams. In many of them, her father had left a stuffed tiger in the room for her. It was supposed to be something that would comfort a little girl.
But every time she saw the tiger, even in her dreams, she felt afraid.
The tiger never brought her peace.
Instead, it became a reminder that something inside her no longer felt safe.
As a little girl, Lilyan couldn’t explain why those dreams kept coming. She only knew they felt real enough to wake her in the middle of the night. Looking back, she realizes that fear has a way of speaking, even when a child doesn’t yet have the words to explain it.
As time passed, Lilyan and her older brother went to live with the woman they called Nana. Life became different. It wasn’t perfect, but it was more stable than the life they had known before.
Her father still came to visit.
When Lilyan was about nine years old, another memory was added to the first.
One afternoon, he called her over and sat her on his lap. She had just begun to develop. As she sat there, he looked down the front of her shirt before saying, “You’re growing up to look just like your mother.”
Lilyan forced a smile, but something inside her felt uneasy.
She didn’t understand why those words bothered her.
She only knew they did.
Years later, she would realize it wasn’t just what he said.
It was the way he said it.
One afternoon, while watching an episode of Family Matters Court, Lilyan listened as a father was accused of abusing his daughter.
She sat frozen.
For the first time, the memories she had carried for years suddenly felt real. She realized she didn’t have to keep them locked away anymore.
She decided to tell Nana what she remembered.
Instead of admitting what had happened, her father denied everything.
He claimed that Nana had brainwashed her. According to him, those memories didn’t belong to Lilyan at all.
But Lilyan knew differently.
No one had given her those memories.
No one had planted them.
She had lived with them.
They were hers.
Many people probably believed Lilyan was lying.
Little did they know that, no matter how difficult her childhood had been or how unfit her parents were, she would never invent a story to damage either of them.
Even as a young girl, Lilyan was strong-willed. She had her own mind, her own voice, and her own convictions. No one could have brainwashed her into making false accusations against her parents.
She wasn’t seeking revenge.
She wasn’t trying to destroy anyone.
She was simply telling the truth about the memories she had carried for years.
Whether others believed her or not did not change what she remembered.
The truth remained the truth.
As the years passed, Lilyan carried those memories into adulthood.
Life hasn't been easy. Growing up with parents who were unable to provide a safe and healthy childhood affected her in ways she didn’t fully understand until she became an adult. She often thought about generational cycles. She knew she could have repeated the patterns she grew up with. That thought frightened her.
She also believed that people who have been abused can go on to hurt others if they never confront their pain. Bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness can take root and consume a person’s heart. Lilyan knew she didn’t want her pain to define who she would become.
She couldn’t control what her father had done to her.
She had once been told that molestation only happens when someone is touched. She didn’t know what word other people would use to describe what happened to her, but she knew one thing for certain: a father should never make his daughter feel unsafe or violate the trust that belongs between a parent and a child.
Lilyan tried more than once to rebuild a relationship with her father. Each time she hoped things would be different. Each time the conversations ended the same way. Instead of listening, he tried to convince her that she had been brainwashed. He refused to believe the memories belonged to her.
As painful as that was, Lilyan eventually came to understand something.
She may have grown up without the father she needed, but the greater loss was his. He would spend the rest of his life knowing he had a daughter with whom he would never share the relationship that could have been.
He could deny the past for the rest of his life if he chose to.
But one day, every one of us will stand before our Creator.
On that day, truth will no longer be something that can be denied, ignored, or rewritten. Every word, every action, and every hidden thing will be brought into the light.
Lilyan no longer carried the burden of proving what happened.
She entrusted justice to God.
As Lilyan continued growing in her Christian faith, another struggle emerged.
The Bible says, “Honor thy father and thy mother.”
For years she wrestled with those words.
How do you honor parents when your childhood was filled with pain? What does honoring them really look like when the very people God entrusted to love and protect you are the ones who left the deepest wounds?
Those questions followed her throughout her Christian walk.
She prayed.
She searched the Scriptures.
She asked God to help her understand what He expected from her. She wanted to obey Him, but she also couldn’t pretend her past never happened.
Over time, she came to realize that honoring her parents did not mean denying her story. It did not mean excusing what had been done to her or pretending it didn’t hurt. It meant refusing to let bitterness consume her heart while still acknowledging the truth.
That became one of the hardest lessons she ever had to learn.
So how does Lilyan forgive her father after everything that happened?
He denied it all.
He refused to acknowledge her memories or take responsibility for the pain he caused.
For years, Lilyan struggled with what forgiveness really meant. She wondered how she could forgive someone who had never admitted what he had done.
Then she came to understand something.
Forgiveness wasn’t for him.
It was for her.
As she continued growing in her faith, she realized the Bible calls believers to forgive. That was not an easy command to obey. It was one of the hardest acts of obedience she had ever faced.
Forgiving her father did not mean pretending nothing happened. It did not mean excusing his actions, forgetting the past, or restoring a relationship that had been broken. It meant releasing the bitterness she had carried for so many years and placing justice where it belonged—in God’s hands.
When Lilyan finally chose to forgive, something inside her changed.
She had never felt more free. For the first time in her life, she realized that her past no longer controlled her future. God had given her peace that bitterness never could.
She realized that unforgiveness is a prison. It quietly grows into bitterness, anger, and resentment until it begins to consume the person carrying it.
Lilyan refused to let what had happened to her define the rest of her life.
She chose forgiveness, not because her father deserved it, but because she wanted to walk in the freedom God desired for her.
This story is not about staying trapped in the past.
It is about refusing to let the past define the future.
No one can rewrite Lilyan’s memories.
No one can take away her voice.
By God’s grace, she found healing.
By God’s grace, she found hope.
And by God’s grace, she found redemption.
Bio:
Lilyan Ruiz
Born June 5, 1975
Redemption is not about pretending the past never happened. It is about discovering that God can bring hope from heartbreak, healing from brokenness, and purpose from pain. Through these pages, I share how the grace of Jesus Christ met me in my darkest moments and began restoring what I thought was lost.
My prayer is that this story reminds every reader that no one is beyond God’s reach. No matter where your journey has taken you, His grace is greater than your past, and His love has the power to make all things new.