for Brittany
ma amour
Up to my neck in sadness for something just out of reach and she came along and fired up my life with kisses and the physical. The moment I looked into her eyes I didn't want to share her with anyone else and keep her all to myself.
In the days that followed she made me laugh and made me cry and we went and had a good time, spoiled each other, but then I inexplicably started to miss her.
I'm awake far too early and she sleeps beside me as I write this and I miss her.
I'm supposed to be her man in black, dressed for confidence, wearing dark glasses with hair kept shooshy and wild.
She's supposed to be my queen, my darling, my burning heart and the murmur between the beats. She's beautiful inside and out and I am unable to convince her.
No matter what rings I put on her finger I feel it's never enough and no matter how far I go to spoil her within my means it's only a glimpse of a better life for us, then it all comes wailing back to our inevitable reality. The only luxury we'll ever have is in each other's arms. It should be enough, but it's not enough, because I should do more, be more than this.
We met online and the moment I saw her I wanted her.
She says, crushed by her life before me, " You don't know... "
I know I don't know and mostly I know nothing and deep down I don't want to know. I want to build something new with her. The past is the past and it has passed. Move forward with me.
I love the mischief in her eyes, the taste of her, the weight of her, her bravery, her perfect ears, her lips, the shape of her face. I love her scars, the folds of her skin, the way we laugh so hard it hurts. I love it when she loves me.
I love that she came to me in a time of need.
I want to tell her, " I love you more than the world does. Don't look back at our lives with sadness. Our drama should offer nothing but hindsight and it's a great teacher and gives us lessons we need as it inevitably does. Marry me. "
And now she wears the rings I bought her and I could have done better if I had better. I don't have better. I have what I have and it can get better.
Then she wakes up and smiles and I kiss her mouth and she mumbles and in no time we're panting between the twisting of our lips and she breathes, " I love you, baby. "
I love her. She is the breath of life.
I miss her when we're in the same room and the longing only stops when we hold each other.
The first time I saw her I wanted her so much and we fought and I pushed her away and lived with regret each time we fought.
She's beside me on the bed and I kiss her and hold her and she tells me she loves me, too. I believe her.
She plays songs from a playlist of her own and some songs are sad and she knows by now I'm sick of sadness. I spent too long in the dense pit of sadness and all I found there was insanity. It's a flame I no longer want to keep my hand in.
I have expectations which lead me to despondency and then she wakes me up with a debate I imagined.
She is a woman with a side-eye I cherish. She is a woman full of energy and enthusiasm and bursts with a love I've never known and I have to admit I fear losing her and when I think of losing her I miss her.
She is a woman who sends me photos of herself when I'm out of the room.
Little does she know I'm out of the room because I love her so much I'm unable to breathe and my heart is rushing and my chest hurts. If I fall anymore in love I'm frightened I'll die.
She is a woman who was predicted for me long ago and I spent far too long searching for someone else and she was right in front of me the moment I set eyes upon her.
I spent too long telling myself, " I don't need you. Ever. But I want you. "
I lied. I need her. I love her. I miss her. I want her. I feel her.
She is a woman who wants my child. She is a woman who makes me think far too much about things that never happen, because that's her purpose, and her purpose is good. She is a woman who believes.
She is a woman and I believe in her. I'm her man in black, dressed for confidence, wearing dark glasses with hair kept shooshy and wild.
Bio:
L Christopher Hennessy lives in Coffs Harbour NSW, Australia, He is the author of poetry, short stories, and novels, and has been published since the 1990s. his writing covers many genres.