In an effort to cool a kitchen during the summer, the house owners left the refrigerator open; save for the kitchen's door and the windows. The night was hot indeed. But as it should be, and to their surprise, the kitchen got hotter. The parlour had been the sleeping place of Kingsley the errand boy. But since the house had been overpopulated by the sudden number of visitors they had, they felt he should sleep in that kitchen. As there was no fan or A.C. in the kitchen, they felt the air from the refrigerator could cool the kitchen. And because they didn't understand the physics of it, they felt disappointed that they had to open the kitchen windows at that time of the night; something they weren't used to. Not like they really disliked Kingsley, but Kingsley was often loquacious around visitors; and the owners of the house didn't like it, especially since he did most of the "dirty jobs" for them. Moreso, he often did this when there were pretty girls around. And this time, there were many pretty girls. This time, this time...the girls...oh!
"At least, he can have a good night's sleep." Chief Titus said to his wife as they walked away from the locked kitchen door.
"But this doesn't seem right." his wife said.
"But it will save us a whole lot of heartache. her husband countered. "He knows many of our secrets. Most young men see boobs and go mad. It's only for the night. In the morning, our visitors will be gone. Let him sleep there. The windows have gauze. There will be plenty of air to keep him at peace with us. Of course, he knows why we can't let him be with our visitors. In the morning, he will get a bottle of gin for his worries. He is a good boy. His only problem is his mouth. Think no more of it. One night in the kitchen won't kill him."
"Yes, a night in the kitchen won't kill him." his wife agreed. "He will be fine." she said and followed her husband to the bedroom. "He will be fine."
***
In the morning, the gardener Sabinus went about his daily duties as diligent as he had always been; scaring away the crows that had perched. The lawnmower bled and moaned, and this strong-willed Sabinus used it with finesse and strength and joy on the weeds and grasses. He was arguably the best hands Chief Titus had ever employed. Arguably the best. Always doing his best to please his master. But, of course, he was left out of the "dirty jobs". And to bring things to clarity, the dirty jobs involved... involved... killing...killing and...Well, as a power-hungry politician and a drug baron, Chief Titus had many enemies and unhealthy competition and didn't care as long as he had Kingsley who could pull the trigger at the riskiest of moments. Kingsley who could jump into the ocean and die for him. Now Sabinus had managed to stay away from the gossip that one of the pretty visitors had tried to sleep naked with a particular stuff in her grip. The rumour had started with Fiona the cook, a robust woman in her twenties who often made sure the meals were properly cooked and dressed. Now, in the garden, came Fiona announcing that Chief Titus had called for a meeting with all the workers, and that it was urgent and a matter of life and death. Quickly, and with reverence for his master, Sabinus – this Sabinus – left the lawnmower for his master's parlour. There in the parlour sat madam and oga looking very upset, if not confused. Sabinus walked slowly and took his place amongst the workers. He greeted his employers who barely responded; and, of course, without the brightness of countenance. As he had never seen his employers in such a grave and perplexing mood, he too was worried. The last person to enter was the cleaner Shantelle who was arguably the clumsiest. Without any waste of time, Chief Titus cleared his throat.
"Something is bothering me." Chief Titus began, placing his hand upon his wife's. "Something I can't explain nor fathom."
"What is it?" Kingsley asked with an understandable boldness. "What is it, oga?"
Chief Titus shook his head and continued: "A diary was found in this parlour. A black circular diary."
Now, apart from madam and oga, no one had seen this...this...very...strange...diary.
"What diary?" Asha the driver asked, pouring a glance at Chief Titus' hands.
Chief Titus cleared his throat again and, this time, stood to his feet. "In this very parlour of mine was left the most unusual of diaries with the most harrowing sentences I have ever read..." He paused and coughed, almost hardly. "I honourable Chief Titus Otumba Otunna cannot put together what this means." He put his hand into a little bag in his grip and produced a black diary with shiny circular edges. "This is it. Come have a look, Kingsley."
Kingsley stood, as fear gripped the others, and went to look as instructed. He took the diary from the hands of his employer and stood with him.
"Open it." Chief Titus instructed. "Open it."
Kingsley obeyed. Kingsley, yes.
"Read what is there?" Chief Titus said, his teeth almost clattering.
Kingsley again obeyed, and read: ALL NIGHT IS MY BIRTHDAY. AND IN EVERY HOUSE I SLEEP, I COME ALIVE. KEEP A PENNY UNDER YOUR PILLOW.
"Good. Goo...good." Chief Titus said as Kingsley was done reading the only words in the diary. He cleared his throat again but, this time, chuckled in an eerie manner that sent shivers down the spine of his workers. He left Kingsley with the diary and went back to his seat, holding his troubled wife. "Now, I need to know who left this diary in the house of Chief Titus Otu...Otu..." A cough erupted from his lips and Fiona rushed to serve him water from the dispenser. He took the water and gulped down everything. "Thank you, Fiona. Now, I must know who has decided to frighten Chief Titus Otumba Otunna. Anyone may speak now. I need a clue...and answers."
Even if anyone would have spoken, the fear had built up so much in them that speaking would be a matter of utmost courage. But someone always brave broke the silence anyways. It was Kingsley.
"I doubt I could know for sure since I didn't sleep here. And now, our visitors are gone. This is hard, oga. Very hard."
Everywhere became silent again until Sabinus – this Sabinus – decided it was time for him to talk. "How can this even be possible? Even if I am drunk, can I believe this? That all night is a person's birthday?" And as he spoke these words, a picture hanging in the parlour fell; its glass frame cracking in the process. Chief Titus turned and kept his eyes on the wall where it fell from, his hands shaking.
"Someone should raise that picture." Chief Titus instructed, his teeth almost clattering.
"Alright, oga. Alright." Sabinus said – this Sabinus – and rushed to pick the picture up. He tried to fix it back up. "It can't enter, oga. The nail is too big for...for...okay it has entered." He rushed back.
"So what were you saying?" Chief Titus enquired, as quietly as he could; fear dangling in his heart.
"Well, this is beyond logic and it is sad that I can't go further. Whoever left the diary has intentions – but who can tell?
"Ah! Oga, oga, oga!" Kingsley shouted and threw away the diary.
"What is it?" Chief Titus asked. "What is it?"
"A picture appeared in the diary." A girl's picture appeared.
"This is serious." Chief Titus said, that is, as quickly as possible.
"Pick it up." Chief Titus said. "Pick it up, Kingsley."
"Oga!"
"Yes, Kingsley. Pick it up and show me."
Kingsley obeyed again; and just when he was about to hand the diary to Chief Titus, the rottweiler Shaggy rushed in barking and wagging its tail. Chief Titus rose and rushed outside with the rottweiler. The whole workers followed suit. And there, outside the portico, stood a light skinned girl with pale face and dishevelled hair.
"Was this one of the visitors?" Chief Titus asked.
Now, to bring things into perspective, Chief Titus didn't really know all the people that slept in his house. As a local government chairman, his house was often used as a meetingplace every last Saturday night of the month. People who worked at the local government often came with friends and girlfriends. This tradition had long been instituted even before Chief Titus joined politics at the local level; even before he became a chief.
"I don't know." Fiona said. "But one of the girls had tried to sleep naked at night."
"What?!" exclaimed Chief Titus. "What?!"
"Yes, oga." Fiona said. "That was when I walked around to ensure no plate was lying carelessly around. She had removed her clothes already and was about removing her innerwears when I entered."
"And she is not this girl?" Chief Titus enquired.
"Yes." said Fiona with a nod. "She wasn't this skinny."
Chief Titus shook his head and stepped back a bit. "Hello. What are you doing here?" he asked. "Who are you looking for?"
"I left my diary in your house."
"You left your diary in my house?"
"Do you have a penny under your pillow now?" the girl asked, opening her palms and looking at them.
"No. I don't have pennies." Chief Titus answered. "What I have is notes."
"No. That penny must be returned. And it is in your household. You have only fifteen days to ensure the penny leaves your household. Only fifteen days."
"I don't understand." Chief Titus said. "Did you give me any penny?"
"In life, everything cannot be understood as clearly as possible. Some even must be understood backwards. And all doubting Thomases are liable to believe by sight. I have no more to say. Return the penny in fifteen days. I will be leaving now."
"But I don't have your penny, little girl." Chief Titus protested. "Little girl, I don't have your penny!"
Perplexed and frightened, they stood and watched the girl leave the premises; climbing the fence to their greatest surprise.
"Something is seriously wrong." Madam said, shaking.
"What do we do?" Fiona the cook asked. "What do we do now?"
"This is crazy." Chief Titus said, matter-of-factly. "This is not the kind of thing that should happen to someone like me. Everyone should go inside, I am calling the police."
"But is this a matter for the police?" Madam asked.
"We need the police as the heart needs a beat." Chief Titus said and quickly began to dial. "I don't have time for this kind of drama or is it now a crime to house colleagues and their friends? I am not taking this at all. This is crazy. Hello, D.P.O. Good morning, sir. This is Chief Titus Otumba Otunna..."
Everyone kept silent and watched as Chief Titus talked with the D.P.O. When he was done, they obeyed his instruction to go back to whatever they were doing.
***
Sabinus was the first to notice, towards the afternoon, that the framed picture that had fallen previously was doing strange things. The picture, every now and then, changed from being Madam's to a girl's. Sometimes the girl was smiling, sometimes the girl was crying. Sabinus felt he was going mad and called Asha the driver who confirmed his suspicion.
"All I can see here is Madam's face." Asha said. "What have you been taking?"
"God have mercy!" Sabinus shouted. "Oh, Orobo has killed me!"
"Please, what do you mean?"
"Asha, you won't understand."
"Does this mean you know something about the missing penny?"
"Oh, Asha! Oh, Asha!"
"You are scaring me, Sabinus. What is it?"
"I picked a five hundred naira note on my way to the market and bought Orobo which I drank that afternoon. That was last week. Since then I have been seeing pennies in my pocket. Plenty of pennies. I am finished."
"Where are the pennies?"
"In a big box in my room."
"What about the girl? Do you know the girl?"
"No."
"Please, take me to the box. Can you?"
"Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I am finished! Ah!"
"Please, take me to the box." Asha said and began to drag Sabinus to his room.
***
Now as they tried to carry the box outside, two policemen walked in with Chief Titus.
"Hey, stop, stop, stop!" one of them instructed. "Stop and raise your hands up!"
The two young men stopped and obeyed.
"Good." one of the policeman said. "What do you have in that box?"
"Um –" Asha said.
"Um what? Come on, speak!"
"Pennies." Sabinus said. "Foreign pennies."
"Alright." the second police officer said and went to open the box. "Let me see." Right inside the box were indeed many coins.
"This is serious." Chief Titus said. "Where did you get all these coins from, Asha?"
"It's not me, oga! It's Sabinus."
"Sabinus?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Are you the Sabinus?" the police officer with a baton asked.
"Yes." Sabinus said, as quietly as he could. "Yes."
"This means you are a robber."
"I am not a robber, officer. I am a gardener."
"And where are all these coins coming from? From the garden?"
"From my pockets." said Sabinus with a quiet demeanour.
"From your pockets?" asked Chief Titus.
"Yes, oga."
"Hmm. It seems strange things have been happening in your house." the shortest of the policeman said to Chief Titus. "However, we can handle this matter; that is why we are the police. Now, you, take this box to our vehicle. Carry it on your head. We need to know what technique you have been using to harvest coins."
Sabinus obeyed and carried the box while the policemen and Chief Titus hurried behind.
"What are you going to do with the box?" Chief Titus asked.
"We are taking it to the station. Do you have a problem with that?"
"No, no." Chief Titus replied. "I'd prefer I mop an ocean to having a problem with that. I don't have business with stolen money..."
"But you are a politician." the policeman countered.
"I don't know what you are talking about. Just take the money and go."
"Alright, then." the policeman said with a chuckle. "Glad we understand ourselves."
And just then, Chief Titus remembered something and said: "Please, let me have just one penny. Just one penny, officers."
The policemen laughed and handed him a penny. They told the two servants they were under arrest and drove away with them.
***
At night, Chief Titus ensured that he slept with the penny under his pillow. Fear-stricken, he kept the diary at the foot of his bed in case spiritual things begin to happen and the girl begins to request for her diary with utmost urgency. Also, on a paper he wrote the words: YOU LEFT YOUR DIARY IN MY HOUSE. TAKE YOUR DIARY AND PENNY AND LEAVE. He placed this note under his pillow, together with the penny. He ensured that the security guard locked the gate properly and that the lights in the premises were left on. But nothing happened throughout the night. And in the morning, the penny and the diary were gone; Madam's picture was on the floor again. Madam picked it, examined it carefully before placing it back on the wall.
"At least we won't be troubled anymore. And this will be the last time I will have visitors in this house at night." Chief Titus said to his wife.
"What do we do about Asha and Sabinus?" his wife enquired.
"I will visit the police station later. For now, I need to revel in this very moment."
"Alright." his wife said and went to check on Fiona the cook.
Later in the day – precisely in the afternoon – Chief Titus found his phone ringing and picked it.
"Hello. This is the D.P.O." the voice said. "Oga Titus, we are bringing back your coins." the D.P.O. continued. "We are bringing back your coins, whether you like it or not. Sabinus is dead, and some officers are going mad. Can you hear me, Oga Titus? Oga Titus, are you there?"
Chief Titus could hear screams coming from the background – loud screams. He heaved a deep breath – a very deep breath indeed – and turned off his phone.