There you was,
So classically,
The day we met,
Beautifully.
Funny,
Smart,
Wild
And free.
There with you,
There that day,
Had I known what lay before us,
I would have said no way.
11 years later,
Marriage and kids,
A demons inside of me,
A relationship twist.
Wandering eyes,
Wandering what can I do,
Wandering if I could scam that person,
Whilst cheating on you.
This was me,
That part you didn't see,
The part you wouldn't understand,
Hiding from the world sneakily.
I didn't see the mayhem,
My lack of responsibility,
How you tried to keep it together,
Whilst I was out joyfully.
Arguments abound,
Non stop with you,
Not being at home with the kids,
That job was for you.
Sliding emotionally,
Neglecting yourself physically,
Kids malnourishing,
Spirit of house empty
Saviour's came knocking,
Christ has your back,
Just read the book of Jehovah,
Vulnerabilities will get hacked.
Losing yourself in emptiness,
Praying for a wish,
Praying for some happiness,
Married to a loser's verbal gift.
Visit to the hospital,
A psychiatric kind,
Nervous breakdown beckoning,
Won't be the last time.
Stress and strains,
Don't know what to do,
Family order me back,
Divorce proceedings from you.
No support from me,
Bitter towards you,
Moving on without me,
New life for you.
Floating above the claws,
Debts mounting unbelievably,
Didn't have the emotional tools,
Managing the chaos desperately.
Pray to a lord,
That you couldn't see,
Stress still building,
Hospital calling urgently.
This Cycle continued,
Until that dark day,
You went walking,
Stepping in front of a train.
Shock and horror,
Don't know what to do,
Piled with responsibilities,
I realised how this felt for you.
Kids totally lost,
Without their mamma around,
Trying to create some stability,
Keep falling to the ground.
Years gone by,
Reflecting about you,
I lost my kids that day,
When they lost you.
Making poor choices,
Constantly,
Didn't create no security,
For the kids and me,
Anger and resentment,
Mountain of fear,
Pain and reflection,
Ocean of tears.
All alone,
In this world without you,
Processing all the past,
Seeing where I totally screwed.
Is this my karma,
Spiritual sentence for me,
Destroying a life,
Someone as angelic as thee.
All alone,
In this world without you,
All alone,
I wish you'd met someone more deserving of you.