As a child,
It was easy to do,
I had my imagination,
Filling me up with things to do.
Then awareness came reckoning,
School days beckoning,
Hand me down visually,
Nothing was spent on me.
Money,
What is this?
I hear my parents talk about it,
Always seemed amiss.
Easter egg hunting,
Chocolate virus wanting,
Pockets feeling empty,
End up with Nothing.
Comparing what we had,
On the playground the day,
I realised something,
I had nothing to say.
Didn't have money,
To go round,
Clothes, holiday, and birthdays,
They were just a sound.
No presents,
No celebration,
No joy,
No motivation.
Nothing was something I got used too,
No self-esteem,
No friends,
Ego became bruised too.
Lonely on the playground,
Alone with my thoughts,
Lonely feeling bullied,
Alone in this world.
This was nothing,
Compared to losing you,
I'd go with nothing again,
If I could be besides you.
The nothingness I felt,
Day to day,
Was nothing compared to losing you,
That traumatic way.
I'd happily be broke,
Easy to do,
I'd happily beg on the streets,
To not live without you.
The nothing I felt,
Growing up those days,
Were a fond memory,
Because you were in those days.
Even though there was nothing,
In our council home,
It got replaced with everything,
Love was the sacred tone.
Wrapped in joy and laughter,
Daily,
Singing and making cakes,
Creatively.
Black and white TV,
Renting of course,
5th November was brilliant,
Selling Guy Forkes.
Walking in the woods,
So pleasantly,
Memories of beautiful blue bells,
Covering my visual screen.
Collected from school was amazing,
Seeing you waiting for me,
Your smile injected love,
Filling my heart spiritually.
Kind soft spoken words,
Supporting,
Never a bad from your mouth,
Classically.
Then the illness came,
Took you away,
Left you standing,
With nothing to say.
Pumped full of drugs,
Psychiatrically,
Felt nothing without you,
Home was frozen and empty.
Saw you slide further into the abyss,
Tragically,
The day you went and didn't come back,
Was the day nothing began for me.
Emptiness is a word,
I can relate too,
There is nothing in my soul,
Experiencing the loss of you.
No words can describe,
The nothingness I felt,
Growing up this way,
Totally inside out.
Raw is too easy,
Describing that way,
Nothing is the feeling,
Every single sad day.
Get up and go,
Got up and gone,
Doing nothing are my desires,
Desiring no one.
Nothing is my friend,
Close to me,
Nothing has been my symbol,
Symbolising me.