Sot Ankornania. It wasn’t a commercially big planet and if they handed out sandpaper the locals would probably call it a map.
So, there I was waking up in the drunk tank in the police cells in the town of Tankor, hungover from a night drinking Clouded Whistle with some Vrecads, and one of the little blue bastards slipped me a Minty Paralyzer. The nerve of that!
The chief magistrate was named Serpent Lari and he was willing to let me go without sentence for five hundred blilonats but I only had ten crasades to my name.
He looked down his fat wrinkly nose and sized me up with his tiny yellow eyes, then scoffed, “ Pauper. What’s your name? “
“ Pryaboa, “ I said, spilling the crasade coins from my out turned pockets.
“ Species? “ Lari growled, jotting it all down on his piss yellow notepad.
“ I’m an Edokid, “ I said proudly.
“ What? “ he said, flustered, slamming his hand down. “ You’re a long way from home! Ke’ato is on the other side of the Ozason moon system. You shouldn’t even be here! I’m surprised the Mysterious Wobles didn’t pick you up first! You have no passport, no substantial currency, no transport, and no residency here. And the fact you’re from Ke’ato tells me all I need to know about you. Your kind are known for con artistry, gambling, fighting, wanton sexual behaviour, and theft! You are bred for it! Absolutely disgusted in you! “
“ I'm not such a thief! “
“ Hush, Pryaboa Edokid of the Ke’ato! “
I looked at my feet and pretended to sulk and picked up my crasades and acted hurt at being called a thief. Although what he said was true it doesn’t stop the truth from hurting, you know?
He scribbled some more on his piss yellow notepad, then grumbled, “ I’ve decided to spare your scaly hide from prison and set you free on the conditions you leave Sot Ankornania within twenty-four hours and you are banished for two years. “
“ Only two years? “
“ Don’t make it five! Don’t even make it ten! You’re liable to turn our prison system inside out anyway. We can’t afford your kind. Now get out! “
And so I got out.
As soon as I hit the main street of Tankor I looked around at how dry and stony it was and thought how this was once a bustling party town but now it was a frontier place and should be called Tankorville.
A gust of wind blew up sand all over me.
There was that, too, and I cried out, “ All this fuck…fuck…fuckin sand! “
I noticed a Nakloren Soed woman ushering her children from the sight of me, saying, “ Don’t look at him. He’ll come over here and trick us into giving him all our currency. And they also eat children! “
“ Oh, that’s some catjuc shit, that is, “ I said to her. “ Old jadaato! “
Now I had to figure out how to get off the planet and that’s when I saw him. The blue bastard who gave me the Minty Paralyzer.
“ YOU! “ I yelled. “ You, the Vrecad! I want to talk to you! “
He was shocked to see me and started to run but I was quicker and kicked him in the ankle and down he went. He rolled on his back and held up his hands, crying out, “ For the love of Metakruts, don’t kill me!”
I kicked his foot again, “ Shut up! I’m not goin’ to kill ya.You owe me a stack of blilonats. I got locked up because of you and the chief magistrate took all my currency. All I have left is ten crasades! What’s your name, ya snivellin’ lurtor? “
“ It’s Odorzell. “
“ That sounds like somethin’ that stinks. Do you have a ship? I need to get off this patch of sand real quick. “
Odorzell was willing to help and introduced me to a crew with a ship leaving in a few hours. They were Fered Volnu and he was a S’atoid, Spajan a Vodeks, Looi Sobian and she was an Adroteax, and lastly there was the ship’s captain Acaela Ablinn and she was hot.
The only catch to hitching a ride with this crew was to rob the Bank of Tankor and Acaela made it clear she was running this gamble.
She was so pretty, I couldn’t help myself turn on the charm, “ Oh, babe, I do it for a kiss. “
She kissed me quickly on the lips and said, “ You’re in. “
“ I knew there was an instant connection between us. “
She tossed me my gun and continued, “ You’re from Ke’ato. You’re a natural at this kind of thing. I’m from the third neighbouring planet East Urandonia Major. My uncle Tadlos used to live on Ke’ato when I was little. I’d visit him there until he moved to Sot Louria and was thrown under the feet of a giant Clotos by some angry Janurdans. We’re compatible, you and me. And you’re kind of cute. If you’re any good, I’ll keep you around. “
I was astonished, “ Under the feet of a giant Clotos? Wow! Sheesh, what a mess. But I have a question… What if I’m not any good? “
“ Then Spajan will shoot you in the back of the head and we’ll throw you into the freezing darknees of deep space where you’ll become a solid piece of space junk until a passing ship hits you and you shatter like glass. Don’t fail, Edokid. “
I thought of Odorzell the Vrecad, You awful little blue piece of tatasloff. Played me at my own game and I’ve taken his spot on this joyride. I hope his beloved Metakruts catches up with him.
Okay, I’m not going to go into detail about the robbery, but I’ll tell you I was first and first out. Suppressing fire was a cinch. We got the loot and we got away. Although we had to battle our way back to the ship I can honestly say I didn’t kill anyone. I’m a lot of things but a killer I’m not.
Acaela was impressed and I didn’t get turfed into space and I got off the planet, and yeah, she kept me around. That’s what she’d say but the truth is I didn’t want to leave.
Currently we’ve pulled off a few more heists since then and I’m a bit of an outlaw. I’m wanted across the five star systems of Dekatoran and I’ll never see Ke’ato or the Ozason moon system ever again, but there’s still a lot of places to go out there.
Yep. You could almost say I’m the most wanted man in the Greater Satreus Belt and the Senuridian Expanse. That’s a lot to be wanted. I’ve got trillions of blilonats, hideouts, getaway ships, paid conspirators, but I’m mostly wanted by the most beautiful woman ever born on East Urandonia Major.
I’m Pryaboa Edokid of the Ke’ato. I went to Sot Ankornania to make something of myself. My parents would be proud.