I heard that voice again, the voice that could be heard by me. It kept distracting my mind over and over again. At some point, I was completely sick of being driven crazy by that voice. It made me do something I did not even realize. That voice sounded like an unstable signal as the raging storm drove away the warmth of sunshine but, sometimes it sounded like there were a bunch of people talking gibberish and it was so loud. Whenever I heard that voice, I was in my other world that made me lost somehow.
“Danish! Heyyy!! Are you okay?” Her screams have awakened me. I was paralyzed for a moment, trying to figure it out where I was . Was it real or another daydreaming? I tried to focus on one thing, that was her solicitous gaze in front of me.
“H..ey.. Summer? Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked as she stared at me with her anxiousness.
“Because you look like you're dying inside! Goshhh, I was worried about you! What were you thinking?!” She yelled at me with a trembling voice. At one time, I felt tranquil when she looked at me like that, like I mattered. I stared at her and started to think how I would live without her. She was my only end and someone where I could lean. I found home in her.
“Danish! Are you ignoring me now?! What is wrong with you?” I looked into her beautiful blue eyes and wished she would always be in my arms.
“Nothing. I am fine.” I faked my smile in front of her and she knew it. She stood up and left me behind without any words. I was not trying to call nor to catch her when I saw her back sinked. I sat in silence on my bedroom couch and I closed my eyes for a while.
Summer Grace. We had been best friends since forever. Our parents were also best friends with each other. Little Summer was really stubborn yet I still adore her. We grew up together. Summer once told me if she did not like a liar, she cursed those who always lie even for a good purpose. She was captious, nevertheless, her babbling was always my favorite. Whenever I look into her eyes, I will be lost and hope not to be found. She was my warmth, my summer in my cold winter.
I ran to her yet, I could not find her. I have done something dumb, and I got to pay my wickedness to her. I tried to reach her call, and still she did not respond to my call. I did not want to lose her. I waved my hands when I saw a truck go by. It was 11.05 p.m. and it was wrapped with the cold night breeze, there were no vehicles on a road that traveled less, only people who wanted to go to the border area who passed by.
“Excuse me, Sir. Can you give me a ride to the border county, please?” I saw an old man with a white beard and his little puppy. He did not answer me, but he opened the car door.
“Thank you so much. I have to chase my friend.” He was still silent and started the engine.
I started overthinking about it. My mind went wild, I could not think clearly right now. All I can see is that she was going to release her embrace on me. I prayed to God for another chance that she was still there, waiting for me.
“Kid, we are here. I can not take you all the way to the border, I have something to take care of here.”
“That is fine, you helped me a lot. Thank you so much, Sir. Have a great night.”
I ran to the place we used to play when we were kids. I hope I can meet Summer there, in our old tree house. I saw my watch, it was 11.57 p.m. The smell of these woods reminded me of the person who used to laugh all the time without burden. The mist then started to fulfill an empty room of my missing pieces in my childhood memory. That was the day I saw that girl, the girl I thought I would never be friends with, she was so soft and gentle. As the wind blew over her neck, she started to laugh when she saw me slipped into the mud. I never saw such a beauty before. The smile that gave me peace and lightness. I have promised myself to not let that smile fade away.
I saw this old tree house in front of me and I started to smile. I climbed to the top, and I saw her. For a moment I wish I could freeze this time just to see how beautiful she was.
“You know, I always miss our childhood when I see this picture. You were slipping into the mud hahaha. What a weirdo!”
“Summer.. I am sorry for the things I have done.”
“You seemed happier. I miss seeing him laugh. But then, he becomes someone with so much sorrow to carry on. Someone who thinks that he is a strong man when basically he is not and needs someone else’s hands to hold him.” She still looked at that picture with her tears that ready to flow.
“Summer, I heard that voice again. It ruins me inside. I do not know how I am supposed to tell you about it, because I am afraid you will never understand.”
“It hurts whenever I see you like that. It cut me deep seeing you fighting against your own demons alone. Let me help you, Dan.” She started looking at me, those eyes were becoming an ocean with her tears wrapped around it up.
“Those whisper again. It screwed up my mind. I heard someone or something, I do not know what it is but it kept telling me to end my life because I am useless! I do not deserve to belong in this world. Tell me, Summer. Shall I bleed myself just to feel alive?”
“Shhh.. Take a deep breath. You’re not alone. I am here with you, I will always be.” She held my hands which I have been clenching in my fist. Because of her, I could feel safe. For me, Summer was a very warm person. Everytime I looked at her face, I felt a shade that I had never felt before. She gave me light when all I felt was darkness. When everyone left me, she was always by my side, accompanying me before I fell. Summer made me believe that there was still a miracle in every misery I faced.
“Why do you want to be friends with me?” She smiled at me. The face that was formerly wrapped in sadness faded and revealed an aglow bright face. She looked at me with a very peaceful gaze.
“Because you are special. Not only special, but also unique. You have a different charm from others. To me, you are not just a best friend. You are my brother from a different mommy. You are worth it. When you think you are worthless, you have to know that there are still so many people who care about you. I know you carry so much burden lately, and it keeps coming over and over again without giving you some rest. I know you have been struggling to live a life you never wanted. But, please do not give up. I know you can pass this swelling storm and raise up to see how far you have been going. You have to believe, there is always a rainbow after rainfall and also a summer after winter. There is also hope behind the deadlock. You’re not alone, God always stands by you. Everything will be alright. I know healing takes a lot of time, but sooner or later you will recover.”
She is really truthful. She thought that every weakness I have is my superiority. I do not have any words to be spilled, she was the only hope I have. Without her, I might have already fallen to a deep dark cliff.
“How about you? Why do you want to be friends with me?” She asked me with her precious bright smile.
“Because you are too lovely to be real.”
***
I woke up from my sleep. I saw someone next to me, they were holding my hands with tears around their tears. I did not know where I was. Something that showed up first in my mind was Summer. Where was she? Why could I not open my mouth? I feel paralyzed. Then I heard my someone called the doctor. Everything seemed nebulous that I could only hear a voice.
A week after that, I just remembered that I have done something to end my life. I got an overdose and my maid just found me sprawled on the floor. My parents did not know about everything that happened to me since they were too focused with their work.
I was a bullying victim and suffering from schizophrenia. I often got terror messages from someone I did not know also got morbid treatment from my friends. I did not have anybody around me. I felt that I was actually carrying a very heavy burden, and I did not have someone to share those burdens. When the pressure I got is no longer able to endure, I have lost my way and just wanted everything to be over. So that, I will feel no more pain and I will find peace.
However, God still gave me a second chance to live again and brought me to meet Summer who I will never forget. I wish she was a real person. Nonetheless, Summer was part of my fantasy. Summer, maybe it was too late for me to say this, but I promise not to let the light I have dimmed. I promise I will rise up from my darkest times. I promise I would never give up. Thank you for being my guardian angel, Summer.
Bio:
My name is Azahra Dea Adrian, most people called me Dea. I was born on 1 June, 1999. I am a college student at Syarif Hidayatullah State Islamic University Jakarta. I am a girl who loves writing and movies. I live in Depok, Indonesia. I have spent most of my time writing to channel my emotions since I was in junior high school. This story is my first short story that I write in English and I hope this story can be worthwhile for the readers.